The Pizza Party Platform
Vote 🍕2020
A pie on every table and a slice on every plate
Our Three Key Tenets
Tradition
What is society without tradition? We promise to uphold the sacred traditions, like Christmas decorations after Labor Day, or eating at Cracker Barrel with friends on Sunday to get the Sunday Chicken. We also promise to introduce and uphold new traditions.
Friendship
Think about how far we've all come, and smile. Forged in the fires of the confrontation pit, our friendships have only deepened through the years.
Warmth
Consider this an open door invitation. Make yourself at home, pull up a chair, grab a plate, and relax. We promise to uphold the warmth that the outgoing candidate has brought into all our lives.
Positions
- Introduce a Liquor Thief tracking and catching protocol, including a database of registered Liquor Thieves
- End the coronavirus threat once and for all
- Nobody will be forced to imbibe any beverages they do not want to
- Form an exploratory committee to evaluate the feasibility of creating a Pizza Star
- Pursue a full pardon for Pizza the Hut for Eating Himself to Death
- Punish Papa John (the person, not the company) under the fullest extent of the law
